Hi there, if you are reading this, chances are you have a baby in NICU right now or know someone who does. First and foremost, let me say that my heart goes out to you. I’ve been where you are, and I know how overwhelming, frightening, and emotionally draining it can be.
When my little one spent time in the NICU, I felt a whirlwind of emotions every single day. But I also learned a lot about coping during this challenging time. So, I want to share my experience and some tips that helped me get through it. I hope it brings you some comfort and guidance.
My Birth Story
At 31 weeks, I was diagnosed with placental insufficiency. This means my baby’s placenta did not develop properly or got damaged. This resulted in my baby not getting enough nutrients and oxygen from me. Since I was under 34 weeks and my baby appeared stable enough, my doctor recommended waiting for as long as possible and keeping a close eye on baby. If we were able to get to 34 weeks or close enough, she was recommending a steroid injection (betamethasone) be given to promote lung maturity, and then a C-Section, because she didn’t believe my little one could tolerate labor. This steroid injection is important because breathing problems are the main cause of death and serious health problems for babies born very early.
Her recommendation was I get an ultrasound three times a week to ensure baby was stable enough to wait till the 34 weeks mark. Just as I reached 33 weeks, I went to the hospital for my ultrasound appointment. That day, the plan was to get my ultrasound and then get the steroid injection. Since the benefit of the betamethasone injection is greatest at between 2 to 7 days after administration, so it would be just in time for my scheduled C-Section. So, I was quite overwhelmed when on performing the ultrasound, all those plans changed instantly.
My placenta had deteriorated even further, and baby could no longer wait or would go into distress. I had to have an emergency C-section that day. Even though I had been preparing myself mentally for the C-section and for baby to be in the NICU for a while, I didn’t expect everything to be so rushed. I hadn’t even packed my hospital bag, as the plan was to do that within the next couple of days. I was thrown into a whirlwind of emotions. My initial feeling of joy and relief at my baby’s birth were quickly overshadowed by fear and uncertainty. Seeing your tiny baby hooked up to machines, surrounded by medical equipment is something no parent is ever truly prepared for.
I remember feeling utterly helpless in those first few days. It seemed like there was nothing I could do for my baby, and that feeling was devastating. But amidst this feeling, I found ways to cope. I discovered a strength within myself. Here are some things that helped me navigate this challenging time and might help you to.
Tips to Cope With Baby in NICU
Tip #1: Acknowledge Your Emotions
Allow yourself to feel. It’s okay to be scared, angry, or sad. Fear, guilt, helplessness, and exhaustion hit me all at once. The NICU can be an intimidating place with its beeping machines, tubes, and the constant presence of medical staff. It’s normal to feel scared and out of control. Cry if you need to. Talk to someone you trust about your feelings. Keeping your emotions bottled up can make everything harder.
Tip #2: Accept Help
When someone offers help, let them. One of the most comforting things I discovered was the community around me. The NICU staff were incredible, offering not just medical care for my baby but emotional support for me as well. Friends and family wanted to help, even if they didn’t always know how. A friend prepared postpartum pepper soup (it’s a Nigerian thing). My brother was the only family with me at the time, he spent the whole time with me, keeping me company, and running errands. Accepting help doesn’t mean you are weak; It means you are smart and resilient.
Tip #3: Get Informed
Don’t be afraid to ask questions. At first, all the medical jargon can feel like a foreign language. I’m a pharmacist, so I was able to understand most of what the doctors were saying. But if you don’t understand, the NICU team is there to help, and they understand that this is all new to you. Ask questions whenever you are unsure, I certainly asked for clarifications when needed, and the doctors and nurses were always happy to explain. The more you know about your baby’s condition and treatment, the more empowered you feel.
Tip #4: Create a Daily Schedule
The days in the NICU can blur together, making it hard to keep track of time or feel grounded. Try to maintain a routine. This could mean visiting your baby at the same times each day, taking breaks for meals, and ensuring you get some fresh air. I found that establishing a routine helped me gain a sense of normalcy. Balance is key, you need to take care of yourself to be there for your baby.
Tip #5: Participate in Care
One of my biggest fears was that I wouldn’t be able to bond with my baby because of all the medical interventions. But the NICU staff encouraged me to be as involved as possible. Whenever possible, take part in your baby’s care. This might include kangaroo care (holding your baby skin to skin), feeding, changing diapers, or simply talking and singing to them. Those moments are precious and can strengthen your bond with baby.
Tip #6: Prioritise Self-care
It’s easy to neglect your own needs when your baby is in the NICU. But you are important too, and your well-being directly affects your ability to care for your baby. Make sure you are eating, sleeping, and taking breaks. I made a point to visit my baby every day, often spending hours by his side, except on Sundays. I learned it was important to take a break, as I needed a day to recalibrate. Find small ways to relax, whether it’s reading a book, taking a walk, or doing some gentle exercises. Remember, taking care of yourself is part of taking care of your baby’s.
Tip #7: Celebrate All Wins
Every small improvement your baby makes is a victory. I learned to celebrate the milestones no matter how tiny they seemed. It could be as simple as baby gaining a few ounces or coming off CPAP (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure), a machine that provides a steady flow of air through small tubes in baby’s nose, which keeps enough pressure in baby’s lungs to prevent the air sacs from collapsing after each breath. It’s a little extra support to help their lungs do their job. Acknowledge and celebrate all improvements.
Tip #8: Join a Support Group
Look for NICU support groups online or in-person, the hospital social worker can also suggest one or inform you of the meeting times if there is one at the hospital baby is in. Sharing your story and learning about those of others can provide comfort and practical advice. I wasn’t alone in this journey, and neither are you. Talking to other parents going through similar experiences was incredibly comforting.
Conclusion: You Are Stronger Than You Know
Having a baby in NICU is one of the toughest experiences a parent can go through. But remember, you are stronger than you think, and you are not alone. Take it one day at a time, lean on your support systems, and remember that it’s OK to seek help for yourself. Your baby is in capable hands and so are you.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I hope it brings you some comfort and practical tips to navigate this difficult period. You are not alone in this journey, and there is a community of parents who understand and support you.
If you are ever in need of someone to talk to or share your story with, I’m here for you. Sometimes just knowing that someone else understands can make all the difference.
From one NICU parent to another, I’m sending you all my love and strength, you’ve got this.
Take care,
Bubez.
