Family

Setting Realistic Expectations in Motherhood: Tips for Successful Parenting

June 27, 2024 - By Bubez

Moms make birth plans to help them feel prepared and empowered during their labor and delivery. Planning for your postpartum period and your transition into motherhood can help answer questions you may have and allow you to feel less anxious about adjusting to parenthood. Setting realistic expectations for yourself and your family is the key to maintaining your sanity and truly enjoying motherhood.

Whether you are a first-time mama, adding another bundle of joy to your family, or someone providing support to a new mom, you should know that motherhood is a journey filled with countless highs and inevitable lows.

One of the best ways to navigate this journey is by setting realistic expectations. It’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to be a super mom but try to focus instead on being the best mom you can be by setting yourself up for success with realistic, achievable goals.

Why Setting Realistic Expectations Matters

Setting realistic expectations isn’t about lowering your standards or ambitions, it’s about being kind to yourself and acknowledging the incredible effort you are already putting in. It’s about finding balance, reducing stress, and enjoying your time as a mother without the constant pressure of perfection.

The Danger of Unrealistic Expectations

Aiming for perfection and having unrealistic expectations can lead to you feeling inadequate, burning out, or even having resentment. It’s important to remember that no mom has it all figured out, despite what social media might suggest. Every family is unique, and what works for one might not work for yours.

The Benefits of Setting Realistic Expectations

You can create a more joyful and fulfilling experience for both you and your kid(s) by setting realistic expectations. You’ll find it easier to celebrate small victories and be more resilient when challenges arise. Plus, you will be modelling healthy behaviour for your kids, teaching them the importance of self-care and realistic goal setting.

Some Realistic Expectations in Motherhood

Setting realistic expectations in motherhood is not about having a list that makes you fearful of motherhood, but rather just setting the expectation that motherhood can be tough, no matter how good you are at it.

You will be exhausted and just have to push through it for years.

Whatever definition you had of tired before kids will become obsolete. You may have heard that newborns sleep a lot, typically between 16 to 18 hours a day. While this is true, they prefer to sleep right on you. You are their place of comfort and safety. They also prefer to have most of this sleep time during the day and not at night.

Most people are not used to only getting little sleep night after night for extended periods. There is no way to prepare yourself for the exhaustion that newborns bring, so don’t try. Just embrace it and sleep when they sleep.

You will make mistakes.

You will make mistakes, probably lots of them. Laugh at small mishaps, they make for great stories later. And don’t worry, you are not ruining your kid (s).

You will have fantastic days and horrible days.

There will be days where it seems you are getting everything right and some days you can’t seem to do anything right. Focus on what you can control and try to maintain a positive attitude.

You will not have all the answers.

You may have read all the books, watch other parents go through it, but you still will not have all the answers. Motherhood is a learning curve so keep your eyes open for learning and discovery and aim to practice “good enough” parenting.

Your kids will fail, mess up, and embarrass you.

Expect that you will be cleaning up messes and blushing in public more than you might like. Setting this expectation will help you to just go with the flow and have patience while your kids learn and grow.

Tips for Setting Yourself Up for Success in Motherhood

Let’s talk about setting realistic expectations and some practical tips to help you feel successful and fulfilled, without the stressing about perfection.

Embrace the Reality, Not the Fantasy

It’s easy to get caught up in the picture-perfect images of motherhood that you see on social media. But remember, those are just highlights not the whole story.

The truth is every mom has her struggles and no one gets it right all the time. Life with kids is unpredictable, no matter how well you plan. There will be days when things don’t go according to schedule. Real life is beautifully messy, embrace the chaos and give yourself grace.

Tips for success:

Unfollow unrealistic accounts: if certain social media accounts make you feel inadequate, it’s okay to unfollow them. Surround yourself with real, supportive content.
Celebrate small wins: it’s easy to focus on what didn’t get done or what went wrong but don’t forget to celebrate the small victories along the way. Getting your baby to latch properly, achieving full breast milk production for the day, your baby sleeping through the night. Recognizing these moments can boost your morale and remind you of the progress you are making every day.

Assess Your Priorities

Take a step back and consider what truly matters to you and your family. Focus on the things that bring you joy and fulfilment and let go of the rest. It’s okay if your home isn’t spotless or if you don’t cook gourmet meals every night. What’s important is that you are creating a loving, supportive environment for your family.

Tips for success:

Make a list: write down your top priorities and keep them somewhere visible as a reminder. Accept that some things can wait and it’s okay to not do everything perfectly.
Delegate tasks: don’t be afraid to ask for help from your partner, family members, or friends.

Set Achievable Goals

Breakdown your larger goals into smaller, manageable tasks. This will make them feel less overwhelming, and more attainable. For instance, instead of aiming to organize the entire house start with one room or even one closet.

Tips for success:

Be specific: clearly define what you want to achieve and how you plan to do it.
Set deadlines: give yourself a reasonable time frame to complete each task.

Let Go of Comparison

Comparison is the thief of joy, especially in motherhood. Every family is different, and what works for one might not work for yours.

Tips for success:

Focus on your journey: remember that you are doing your best for your unique situation. What matters is that you and your family are happy and healthy.
Practice gratitude: take a moment each day to reflect on what you are grateful for. It can shift your focus from what others are doing to what’s great in your own life.

Take Care of Yourself

You’ve heard it before, but it’s worth repeating, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself is crucial for your well-being and your ability to care for your family.

Tips for success:

Schedule “me time”: whether it’s a few minutes of quiet in the morning or a relaxing bath in the evening, carve out time just for you.
Connect with friends: maintaining social connections can help you feel supported and less isolated. Schedule regular catchups with friends, even if it’s just a quick chat over coffee.

Manage Expectations with Your Partner

If you are parenting with a partner, it’s crucial to be on the same page about expectations. Having unrealistic expectations of your partner can be problematic. Clear communication is key to ensuring you both feel supported and understood.

Tips for success:

Have regular check-ins: discuss how you are both feeling and what you need from each other. Clear communication fosters a strong supportive relationship and makes parenting smoother and more enjoyable.
Divide and conquer: split responsibilities based on each other’s strengths and preferences. Sharing the load helps prevent one person from feeling overwhelmed.

Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining your well-being and sanity. It’s okay to say no to things that don’t serve you or your family.

Tips for success:

Protect your time: prioritise activities that are important to you and your family. It’s okay to decline invitations.
Communicate your needs: be clear with your family and friends about what you need and what you can handle. Open communication fosters understanding and support.

Practice Self-compassion

Being a mom is a tough job, and you are doing amazing. Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend.

Tips for success:

Positive affirmations: start your day with a positive affirmation. Remind yourself “I am doing my best, and that’s enough”.
Forgive yourself: if something doesn’t go as planned, forgive yourself and move forward. Mistakes are part of learning.

Seek Support

You are not alone in this journey, seeking support from others can provide comfort, advice, and the sense of community because it really does take a village.

Tips for success:

Lean on loved ones: your friends and family care about you. Let them in, share your struggles, and allow them to help.
Join a mom group: find a local or online mom group where you can share your experiences and get advice from other mothers.
Get professional help: if you’re feeling overwhelmed don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Therapists and counsellors can offer valuable insights and support.

Enjoy the Journey

Lastly, remember to enjoy the journey. Motherhood is filled with precious moments that make all the challenges worthwhile.

Enjoyment tips:

Capture memories: take pictures, write in a journal, or keep a scrapbook of special moments. They will be wonderful to look back on.
Be present and have fun: try to be present in the moment, enjoy the little things like your baby’s first smile. Don’t forget to play, laugh, and make the most of this incredible time in your life.

Conclusion: You’ve Got this Mama

Motherhood is not about being perfect, it’s about being present and doing the best with what you have.

So, take a deep breath, give yourself some grace, and remember that you are an amazing mom, doing an incredible job.

Here is to setting realistic expectations, setting yourself up for success and finding joy in the beautiful chaos of motherhood!

If you enjoyed this guide and want more tips and support, be sure to check out other blog posts and resources.